Relationships are a part of everyone’s life. Ideally, our relationships are to be enriching, but too often we find them trying. Sometimes we even find ourselves estranged from those we were once close to.

Coming to terms with our relationships is essential if we hope to function effectively on a day to day basis. Too often people are so consumed with a poor relationship that they can scarcely give thought or energy to anything else.

The biblical account of Jacob and Esau gives some worthwhile principles when it comes to relationships – especially those that have gone cold (Gen.33).

The first of these principles is to give priority to God in one’s relationships.

When Jacob was finally going to meet up with his estranged brother, Esau, he did not know how it was going to go. All he was aware of was that Esau was coming toward him with 400 men! But Jacob was not afraid. Having just wrestled with God, he knew he was dependent on Him for all things, and that he could trust Him with this encounter.

There’s something for us to learn here. Who isn’t uneasy when there’s a need to meet up with someone when there has been conflict? But when we go to God first, and learn that we are dependent on Him, we can proceed with peace and confidence.

Another principle to keep in mind is that as we remember that God is sovereign over all, it encourages reconciliation.

Jacob and Esau had not seen each other for years. They could have both been very bitter as they nursed their self-justifying perceptions over the years. But that’s not what happened. In His mercy God gave them hearts that wanted to reconcile. Esau, in particular, accepted that God is the one who raises each one to a particular place.

We need to do the same. How easy it is to resent the position of others or what they have done. But remembering that God is in control of every detail enables us to see His hand in every circumstance, and this makes it possible for us to forgive, seek peace, and move on.

One last principle I’ll mention is that we need to follow God’s call on our own lives in our relationships.

After Jacob and Esau reunited, Esau wanted Jacob to live nearby and work with him. But Jacob refused. Not because he had any issues with Esau, but because he knew that God had called him to something else. So, the faithful thing for Jacob was to be on good terms with Esau, but still go his own way.

Catch the principle here. We are obliged to seek reconciliation with others (Mt.5:23,24). But having reconciled, that doesn’t mean we have to follow the same path. God calls people in different directions.

Estranged relationships can be hard to endure. But God’s Word gives the guidance needed to address them, and by the power of His Spirit we can seek to restore relationships where needed.

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Rom.12:18)