The Bible tells us that children are a blessing (Ps. 127:3), but for those in the midst of parenting, it’s often wondered how this can be, as bringing up children is one of the most challenging tasks on earth.

When you first begin as a parent you don’t know much of what you are doing. Then, when you get some experience, the children you are working with are older and are much less pliable. Fortunately, along with the assurance that children are a blessing, the Bible also gives us the instruction needed so that the blessing the Bible speaks of would be experienced in our homes.

The clearest of these instructions says this: “do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph.6:4). This short statement about parenting has two parts. It tells us what not to do, and and what to do.

First, what not to do. Do not provoke your children to anger (or, as some translations put it, do not exasperate them).

There are a number of ways a parent can exasperate their children. Some of the most common ways include ignoring them or failing to communicate with them, acting hypocritically or having a double standard toward them, or being too harsh or lenient with them.

Children, we must remember, are people. And because they are people, they desire to be treated as such. Because they are younger and inexperienced people, they need extra care and attention. If we forget either of these things, children are easily exasperated.

You want to work hard to avoid exasperating your child, because when a child is exasperated he will harden his heart toward you, and refuse your influence while seeking it elsewhere.

Does your child seem distant from you and resistant to your influence? Then consider how you may have provoked some anger in your child by your own actions, and take measures to close the distance that’s been created.

Second, what to do. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Children need guidance in order to develop into mature adults who can make it on their own. Given too much freedom too soon, they will plunge themselves into harms way and suffer for it. But with the proper level of discipline and instruction for their age, they will learn how to become self-controlled and how to make their own contribution to the world with the gifts that God has given them.

Vital to the discipline and instruction that is passed onto children is a knowledge of right and wrong. Children need a moral compass, and there is none better than the one given by God in the Ten Commandments (Ex.20).

Also vital for children is a knowledge of who they are, or a clear sense of identity. And this is where faith is critical for both parents and children. The Bible tells us that the promises of God are for those who believe and their children (Acts 2:39).

What does this mean? It means that if you believe God, He has a purpose and destiny for your children, too. Remember that, and treat them accordingly. And make sure they know it and believe it as well.