Love and marriage

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  The day was originally named after several early Christian martyrs by the name of Valentine, and was established as a way to remember and encourage sacrificial love.   The association between romantic love and Valentine’s Day was not introduced until the fourteenth century.

Today, couples will typically observe Valentine’s Day with small gifts, flowers, chocolates, or a night out for dinner.    The observance of Valentine’s Day is an encouragement for most, but it does bring pain for many.

I’m thinking here mainly of those couples who realize that their marriage does not possess the love that it once did, or needs to.  The question for these couples becomes, “How can we find love in our marriage?”

I believe the answer to this question very much falls on the attitude and actions of the husband.

The Bible tells us that the husband is the head of the wife (Eph.5:23).  It does not tell us that the husband needs to be the head of his wife, but that he is.  This truth has many applications, most basic which is this:  wherever the head goes, the body will follow.

Many husbands will chart their course with their wives by reacting to her basic demeanor.  So, if she is generally chilly in the relationship, so will he.  But with this approach the relationship will likely remain cool, and probably get colder with time.

The husband needs to take another approach.  He needs to act like the head that he is.  He needs to continually approach his wife in a loving way — no matter what her demeanor.   Quite often, this is absolutely all that needs to be done. When a woman sees that her man truly does love her, she doesn’t only thaw, but warms up quite quickly.

So, how does a husband take such action, especially when he may be struggling with his own bitterness toward his wife?  By looking to Christ.

Christ is the model husband, and He demonstrates how to love in the way He gave Himself for His church.  As Christ initiated that kind of love for His bride, so is any husband for his.

A practical place to start is by looking to the great love chapter, where we are told what love is. . .

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

~ 1 Corinthains 13:4-7

Any husband can apply these verses to his own marriage in a multitude of ways.

When a husband takes the initiative to show a love that is constant toward his wife, there is great likelihood that love will flourish in the marriage in a way that not only satisfies both the husband and the wife, but brings glory to God as well.